“First day panic attack in progress”, I tweeted as I was on my way to school this morning. I don’t really know what I’m feeling nervous about. I’ve been through this before. I’ve rehearsed this situation in my head over and over again for the last couple of weeks. I was excited. So excited. Too excited, maybe? I don’t know. Now, I’m just sitting alone on a bench trying to gather my thoughts to write, but mostly just to keep myself sane.
What is it about first days that terrify us the most? Is it the uncertainty of what could happen as one starts a new routine? Is it the abrasive introductions that professors require you to do? Is it that lost feeling once you enter the campus? How would my new classmates react to having a young mom in the room? There are so many thoughts rushing through my head right now. I’m trying to look as normal as possible.
I hugged my Noah bear tight before I left today. I’ve gone out without him before, but today feels different. I’m terrified it’s the start of an end. I know how important his formative years are and I want to be there for every milestone, but I can’t. I have to finish school and no matter how hard it is for me to do, I will. For him. For our family.
Forgive me, I’m getting too emotional…